Seven
by gouketsuwarai
Summary: Your performance, not that I'm an expert or anything, but it was at least a seven." Light/L crack!fic with Ryuuk as a voyeur.


AN: This is a crack!fic and was written after a drabble my friend had wrote. I just happen to take it upon myself, with her permission, to elaborate on it a bit more. Enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: Death Note or its characters do not belong to me!

* * *

"So what are you thinking about doing now, Ryuuzaki?"

"Considering that I am indeed at an unfortunate dead end," L frowned as he flicked a cake crumb off of his plate.

Watari coughed as he adjusted his glasses, "I would appreciate you NOT flicking cake crumbs, seeing as I am the one who has to clean them up."

L opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it, "sorry Watari."

"So about tonight-"

* * *

"Hey Light, what are we going to do tonight?" Ryuuk pestered as he floated above the auburn-haired boy.

Light pressed two fingers to his temple and sighed, "I am going to be finishing my homework and then writing down names like I always do."

"Yeah, but that is becoming boring now," Ryuuk did a little flip in the air so that he was now floating upside down.

"Weren't you the one who wanted entertainment?"

"Yes."

"Weren't you the one to drop the Death Note into the human realm?"

"Yes?"

"So give me a break, Ryuuk!" Light tossed his pencil down onto the desk. "I'm trying my best here to keep you entertained, Misa thinking we're going out, L...Ryuuzaki...off of my trail, maintain high grades, and writing names in the Death Note all at once! Oh, and let's not forget here that I am TRYING to become God of this new world! So with all due respect RYUUK I am a little past caring if you are bored or not."

Ryuuk watched in fascination as Light was practically on the verge of hyperventilation. The room was silent as Light's breathing finally evened and Ryuuk floated in the air.

"I believe that would be Ryuuk-sama if you meant respect."

Light flipped backwards in his chair as Ryuuk's face suddenly appeared right in front of his. The boy gave a startled cry as his legs went flying over his head, his whole body falling to the floor. Ryuuk chuckled and turned so he was right side up again. He watched as Light stumbled to his feet, recollecting himself.

"Ryuuk-sama my-"

"Light, is everything okay up there?!"

Light ran to his door and yanked it open, "yes, everything is fine!"

"Geez, sounds like you are having a party up there," his sister Sayu commented. The younger girl pouted as she glanced up the staircase. "You sure you're not having a party? Can I come?"

"Sayu...I just tripped, go watch t.v. or something," Light dismissed her as he shut his door and locked it. Light glared up at the shinigami that was now perched on the edge of his bed. He ran a hand through his silky locks as he composed himself.

"I hope you are happy."

"I didn't know that us shinigami's could express an emotion such as happiness," Ryuuk commented, wishing he had a delicious apple to eat.

"You know what I mean," Light remarked, heading back to his desk. He picked up the toppled chair and sat down in it, crossing one leg over the other. "You're starting to become a pain. Is there no way I can have full ownership of the Death Note and not have you around anymore?"

Ryuuk did not take kindly to such an insult, "no, but I sure can take full ownership back of the Death Note and kill you in the process."

"You wouldn't-"

"Oh, I would."

The two of them stared at each other, challenging the other to speak first. They remained silent, their gazes still intense and waiting for the other to crack.

"Cha! Get me an apple."

"Get your own apple; I'm now behind schedule thanks to you."

Light twisted around in the chair so that he was now facing his desk. He lifted his math book to reveal the Death Note lying underneath. Taking a pen he popped the cap off and switched the t.v. on to the news station. The tip of his pen was about to touch the page of the Death Note, writing down the first criminal of the night, when the downstairs doorbell rang. Light grumbled and tossed his pen down, how in the world was he able to get work done with all these distractions?

"Hey Light, I think you have company," Ryuuk began to chuckle.

Light clenched his fist, "it better not be Misa."

"I hope not, I don't like that Rem."

Light lifted an eyebrow, "you actually like someone?"

Ryuuk look startled, "what? No! I didn't say that!"

"Not in a direct way but saying that you don't like Rem seems...well it seems that you would have to like someone in order to say that."

Ryuuk looked confused.

"Okay to put it this way, in order to say you don't like someone you probably have to like at least one person or being to begin with. Now if you had a general dislike to every single living being, then there would have been no need to say that you disliked Rem. It would be an obvious thing, don't you agree?"

"Yeah...I guess?" Ryuuk tried to process all of that.

"But since you said you don't like Rem there must be someone or something you like. If not then a simple 'I hope not' would have been suffice enough. Only because it is a general underlying that you and I know that you have a dislike for all things alive and dead."

Ryuuk remained silent before he sprung up from the bed, "whatever! Gimme an apple!"

Light closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, "then I am right. I'm always right."

"Hyuk! Then why did you say it if you know that you are always right?" Ryuuk threw the words right back into Light's face.

Light opened his mouth to speak when there was a knock on his bedroom door.

"Liiiight! You have a guest!" Sayu called from the other side of the door.

"Why me?" he grumbled lightly before uncrossing his arms and standing. He walked over to the door and undid the lock. He jerked the door open and gave a small gasp.

"He said he was one of your friends from school so I thought-"

"Thank you Sayu for showing him up here, you can leave now," Light dismissed his sister again for the second time that night.

Sayu frowned, "you're so mean!"

The younger girl stuck her tongue out before running back downstairs to watch her pop show.

"Hello, Light-kun."

"R-Ryuuzaki, what are you doing here?!"

Ryuuzaki...L...gave a creepy smile, his left foot scratching his right leg, "I came by to say hello. Is something wrong with that?"

"N-no, nothing at all," Light stuttered. 'What in the world is he playing at? And coming to my house of all places?! Damnit!'

"May I come in or is Light-kun's room strictly forbidden?"

Light pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth before speaking, "ah...sure...just-"

"Hey Light, did you forget a little thing called the Death Note on your desk?"

Light flinched as he listened to Ryuuk's chuckles of laughter. He did forget and he had to get in there quickly, without L noticing, and hide the notebook.

"Umm...Light-kun?"

Light stepped aside and allowed L to walk inside his room, "sure, come on in."

"Light-kun is generous enough to allow me into his room," L smiled again as he stepped into the small but cozy room.

Light closed the door and briskly made his way to his desk. He gathered up everything and flung it inside one of the desk drawers, "don't mind the mess, I was just doing some homework."

L looked suspiciously at the drawer and put his thumb to his lips, "anything I could help with?"

"Oh, no...no thank you. I'm about finished with it and it's not due for another day," Light waved the homework off. He motioned to his bed, "take a seat."

L took the chair instead, ignoring Light's offer to sit on the bed. Light frowned, that was his favorite chair L was perching himself on. Light had no choice but to sit on his bed, sitting on the edge so that he was facing L. This wasn't exactly how he was planning on spending his Tuesday night, but now it seemed that things had changed.

'Damnit, who does he think he is, showing up here unannounced and in public nonetheless!' Light growled in his mind, his face remaining expressionless. 'Look at him, thinking he can just show up here and start using his psychology bullshit with me. If he thinks he can come here like he did, sit in MY room and try to press me about being Kira then-'

"Wouldn't you agree Light-kun?"

Light faltered and his mouth opened slightly, beads of perspiration began to form on his forehead and the back of his neck, "ah...yeah, sure Ryuuzaki."

L bit his thumb hard, "so Light-kun is in agreement that he is indeed Kira and will have no problem submitting himself to the police?"

"W-What?!"

Ryuuk about fell over from laughing. The death god was happily sitting on Light's desk, just a few inches away from L. He found L to be fascinating, probably more fascinating than Light, but he would never tell Light that. Ryuuk had a strong urge to reach over and touch L's hair, "you sure he isn't a shinigami? He would make a good one, with that hair and all."

Light glared in Ryuuk's direction but closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I am not Kira, Ryuuzaki."

"But Light-kun just admitted-"

"I wasn't listening! I have a lot of things going on-"

"Such as killing criminals," L pressed on, removing his thumb from his mouth and clutching at his knees with both hands. "Kira-kun must have a hard time keeping up with school, killing criminals, and getting sleep on top of it all."

Light stood up, fists clenched to his sides, "DAMNIT! I'M NOT KIRA!"

"Liiiight, let me just touch his hair-"

"SHUT UP!"

L look baffled for a moment as he tilted his head, "who is Kira-kun addressing?"

"No one, I'm just...tired," Light gave in, his shoulders slumping. He was in no mood for mind games and having L over was seriously messing with him. His brain could not function properly and on top of that, he had a very irritating shinigami causing him problems.

After a few moments of silence Light spoke up once again, "was there another reason you showed up, besides trying to drive me insane?"

L looked up at the ceiling, his dark eyes trying to burn holes into the wall, "weeellll..."

Ryuuk laughed loudly and fell off the desk and onto the floor.

* * *

"Hey Light...I didn't think you would be on top..."

Light grunted as he thrust into L's body, the detective moaning loudly underneath him.

'Shut the hell up, Ryuuk,' Light thought, hoping the mental thought would find a way to the shinigami.

"I mean it would seem obvious that HE would be on top, not you. You're a bottom, yep."

Light gave a hard thrust and L cried out, "not so hard, Light-kun."

"Sorry...Ryuuzaki..." Light grunted again, careful of his thrust.

"Now either you are aware of what is going on or you are completely oblivious, either way-" Ryuuk analyzed, now sitting on the vacant chair.

The shinigami grinned a very sharp, toothily smile, "I didn't think your plans would be this tonight. Usually you tell me to leave the room but that's at the other place. Now I have to sit here and endure your...human mating. It's quite disgusting. I didn't think something such as THAT could go in THERE."

Light squeezed his eyes shut and tried to concentrate on fucking the detective underneath him but with Ryuuk's rambling, it was proving harder. Light couldn't let L know that something else was going on, some other distraction. After all, it was sex. How hard can sex be, especially when there shouldn't be any obvious distractions going on?

L frowned, "Light-kun...ahhh...is not performing as he usually does...nngh!"

"I told you several times, I'm tired!" Light gave a sharp thrust as retaliation to the bothersome remark.

"But Light-kun is not too tired to have sex now is he?"

Ryuuk howled with more laughter as he continued to watch. The room was filled with moans from the detective and the student. Light had pulled L's legs over his shoulders and was now thrusting deeply into him. L grabbed at the sheets, his back arching in pleasure.

L was not exactly planning on having sex with Light, especially not this particular night, but it just happened. L needed to test a few things for his own theory and having sex with Light would only get the results he needed. Now L realized that Light would probably catch on to his theory, but he brushed it aside. Both of them were enjoying themselves and that's all that mattered. It wasn't the first time they screwed around; in fact they had done it about five other times. Each time L had allowed Light to be seme, for his own research, or at least that's what L wanted to believe. In the back of his mind he deduced that it was more probable that he would be seme, not Light. However that all changed whenever Light would thrust into him, hitting his prostate and making him moan and shiver in delight. Perhaps L could be uke a few more times before he took charge. Or perhaps they could compromise, Light could be seme in bed while L would be seme outside of bed. Yes, that could work.

"You're...thinking..." Light panted, his breathing ragged.

"Always."

No, L didn't mind being uke as long as Light continued to do what he was doing. L gave a loud cry as Light thrust harder and faster into him, the bed creaking and banging up against the wall.

"Aren't you afraid of your parents or sister hearing?" Ryuuk asked, impressed at Light's stamina.

"Ungh!" was Light's response.

Ryuuk sighed, "I'm tired of watching you two."

More noises from the bed.

"Not that I care about your personal activities, but you're not doing anything new, just the same thing."

"Don't...need...too!" Light growled. "Feels good."

"Mmm...of course it does Light-kun," L half mumbled, not catching the beginning of what Light had said.

"Yeah, but what would I know, I'm just a shinigami," Ryuuk clicked his teeth together, wishing he had an apple at that moment.

A few more minutes had gone by before both of them were crying out their release. Light slumped against the detective, moaning as the tight muscles clenched tightly around him. Both of them panted and kissed each other as they calmed down from their orgasm.

"Light-kun is very good in bed."

Light blushed at this and pulled out of the detective. He lay down next to him and pulled him in his arms. L curled up next to him, resting his head on the boy's sweaty chest. Light pulled the blanket up over them and closed his eyes. He listened to L's soft breathing and concluded that the detective was probably on the verge of sleep.

"You know Light," Ryuuk began. "I don't know how this will work, you being Kira and L trying to convict you and all-"

"Hmm..." Light hummed softly.

"But I thought you should know this cause it seems more important than anything else."

Light cracked open an eye, glancing at the shinigami who still had a big grin on his face.

"Your performance, not that I'm an expert or anything, but it was at least a seven."

Light frowned and his other eye shot open, both eyes glaring at him. Ryuuk held up his hands, his claw-like nails sticking straight up into the air.

"Hey, don't blame me, just from my observations. It wasn't bad but it probably could have been better."

Light closed his eyes and ignored the death god, "shut up."

"Mmm...but L-chan is quiet."

Light made a noise in the back of his throat. He thought L was asleep and he never heard L refer to himself as 'L' especially since he told everyone to call him Ryuuzaki.

"Not you, Ryuuzaki."

"Then who is Light-kun talking too?"

L didn't bother opening his eyes, he was comfortable and warm as he pressed himself up more against the boy.

"No one just...I was talking to myself."

L didn't buy it but he let it slide, not wanting to start a fight, "Light-kun should go to sleep."

"Yeah Light-kun, you should go to sleep," Ryuuk wheezed with laughter.

Light's only response was giving Ryuuk the finger as he gathered the skinny detective in his arms, burying his face into the wild, black hair.

"Humans are interesting, especially when it comes to their mating habits," Ryuuk rambled to himself before flying off the chair and disappearing through the wall, muttering about needing apples and not being supplied them on a regular ten minute basis.


End file.
